It’s Not Just A Paycheck

I have been keeping busy offline with my career. I am working to build my career path and getting focused with that. For the first time in years I have set up goals for myself and I have a plan that my team lead is working with me to achieve.

I lost my focus, my love, my passion and my excitement for my career between 2016 and 2017.

It started out with me getting bad surveys and it just downward spiraled until I got sick once again. During this time, I confided in a person who I trusted by telling her that I was getting upset with bad surveys, her response “Treat it as other people do, it’s just paycheck, that is it.” Of course, being in a bad place mentally already, I listened to her advice and ran with it, what was I thinking? I started to slack off, it was so bad that I just didn’t care about what I was doing with my position. I stopped getting up, getting dressed and wearing makeup. I started to slouch, wear my pajamas to work and be lazy in what I was doing. It was then that I realized that I allowed the stress of the job to get to me. I stressed out over surveys, I stressed out over how I looked even though I work from home.

December 2017, my doctor pulled me out of work due to the stress it caused me. His words actually were “You went against my direct orders and went back too early, you were not ready to return to work. I told you to take a year off to heal and recover. You almost died young lady, you were one sick cookie!! You are very lucky to be here! You need to recover and heal. He did not release me until July 2018 and I was able to go back. I felt excited, refreshed and ready to tackle my career. I knew what I wanted for my career and set forth a path to take, a time frame and now I am doing what I love again.

I have gone from the bottom of the ladder to the next rung, right now I am happy being here. I am working to hone my skills at my position before I consider moving any further. I do apply for other positions just to get my name out there and let them know I am interested in the positions that I am applying for, at the same time if I don’t get the approval then it’s quite okay. I want to build myself with my career, build my self-esteem and confidence in what I do again. I have learned from reading The Four Agreements not to take things personally. I am also building relationships with co-workers as well.

Last month I did start to lose some focus due to outside stuff, due to online stuff that I read. I allowed another’s toxic words that were meant to hurt me to get to me and infect me. My team lead reached out to me and we spoke, I shared what was going on. I told her how things were in the past, I shared my entire past with her openly. She did not judge me, instead she showed me compassion and empathy which was nice for a change. She told me not to allow this person to infect me anymore, to just let it go and walk away, don’t look back. She reminded me how important my career is and not just for me, for my customers as well. She reminded me of the impact I make in other peoples’ lives, what I do to make the world a better place in what I do. She even suggested a book about covert narcissism for me to read as well, which I am looking into reading.

After our conversations that we have had over the last month, I have seen things in the better perspective, I now see the big picture. I recently had a 3-day weekend where I had time to sit and think about my career as well as my life. I am setting attainable goals for my career and will be sure to achieve them. Each time I achieve a goal I will celebrate and reward myself if need be, so that I can be more grateful for what I have as well as be proud of what I have achieved.

With all this said, I am proud to say that I have my focus back and I am going to achieve all my goals for my career. I am proudly wearing the badge and label that was given to me when I did this before by my former supervisor. I am a going to be the bad ass little beast who is going to kill it at work and rise above again!!

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