Out Of Chaos Comes Growth & Change

Change and growth are established out of chaos and we need to embrace it in every way. We need to go with the flow or else like a dam we can get stuffed up, we can get trapped with the garbage and debris of life.

Cleanliness, order, scheduling, budgeting our finances and organization have always been my strong traits in my personality. I am what you may call an anal-retentive control freak and yes, I have a OCD really bad. I have been told that sometimes, well most times our comfy little worlds that we create for ourselves need to be shaken and turned upside down in order for us to get out of comfort zones so that we can grow. Well here I am, shaken up, turned inside out, upside down, throw into pure chaos or so it feels to me, I am completely out of my comfort zone. I officially start my new position today, I am already freaking out because I don’t have a game plan yet as to how to do my job. I know what I am to do, I just don’t have a scheduled out game plan ahead of me like I did before.

How will I handle the change and chaos part of this new position, this new chapter in my career?

Before it was easy, I knew what my day was basically going to look like when I went to bed the night before. I got up at 5 a.m. to start my day and have my morning duties taken care of before going to work at 6:15 a.m. I would work 6:15 a.m. taking calls and assisting customer with their technical issues, have an hour lunch, then go home at 3:15 a.m. It’s different now entirely. I need to figure out how to get myself organized in this new schedule, all new hours entirely, I am now working 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. with Fridays and Saturdays off, so everything will change for me and my household. Today is day one and I am all kinds of messed up over it, I have been up since 5:30 a.m. as I could not sleep in as I probably should have done. This new schedule will take some getting used to and adjusting to. So far this morning I have taken the girls out numerous times, watched an episode of Gossip Girl on Netflix and now I sit trying to be patient. It’s only 9:11 a.m. here in Arizona. I clean daily as it is, these last two weeks during the training period that I had I cleaned a lot, I clean a lot during stressful times or turbulent times of my life. Cleaning is my only way that I feel like I am control of something. Instead, I chose to sit outside in the garden to write for a bit, it’s not that hot out, in fact it’s cloudy, so I can sit and enjoy the patio for a nice change of pace. I am hoping for some rain today.

I am hoping that the adjustment comes easily and quickly to be quite honest. I did this shift before so I should be able to adjust, it’s the rest of my household I am concerned about. I am sure Chloe will be fine, it’s more Kona and Ron that I am concerned with. Ron works 7a.m. to 3:30 p.m and so this may be a bit hard for him to adjust to, as he won’t have me “home” with him at nights like he has been accustomed to over the last 8 months. I need to get myself adjusted to this schedule as well. I see it as a good thing, it gives me time to write, clean the house, do exercise which I haven’t done in so long and breathe in the silence of my home. I don’t mind working these hours at all. Not to mention I will no longer be taking calls, I will coaching others in taking calls and helping them along the way. I do have more responsibility now that I am in a leadership role and I am taking it seriously, I refuse to fail.

Stay Positive It Will Be Okay

Over the course of the last two weeks, I let myself get completely stressed out and discouraged. Yesterday I hit rock bottom feeling completely defeated, my little bit of self-confidence that I started to have tanked. It was only due to practice runs of listening to calls that did me in, I felt as though I was not doing it well and being too harsh. I felt as though this may not be the position for me. I am going to have to change so much about myself here, less strict and less uptight about my position. I will need to stop letting myself fall down the rabbit hole into despair. I will need to stop being so self-destructive mentally and emotionally. I need to realize that I worked hard to get here and I am a strong, intelligent woman who is also a leader and can do this position. It’s going to take morning and daily affirmations to remind myself of who I am, how far I have come in my life and why I am here on this Earth.

I tried to put on my jeans that I fit in snugly two weeks ago to find that today they do not fit at all, I could not even do the pants dance to get into them. So I put other ones on and they are not loose like two weeks ago, they are snug. This is what stress does to my body, I sleep poorly with nightmares, I eat carbs like there is no tomorrow, I break out in rashes even. I am going to start taking care of me! Now I need to get myself on track with this position, eat better, start meditating again like I did before, walk more, exercise, write and breathe. There is so much more that I want to do to improve myself and be a better person all the way around.

I am embracing the change going on in my life again, is this drama? Yes, it’s good drama not negative drama though. It’s change, it’s chaos and all I can do is go with it, flow with the ebbs and waves of life. Just allow it to help me to grow and change for my own improvement.

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